Praise God...I have only one more injection to go tonight (I can't believe I do them myself too). Whew! I can not explain how I feel. I know I am tired and have to take many breaks ( and naps, Good God!) throughout the day. I got really dizzy after cutting our lawn yesterday morning....part from doing too much and part from the fact that it was almost 90 out and humid. I thought it was cool enough in the early morning but when the sweat started dripping...I had to quit. Later in the afternoon, my dh and I were headed to mass when the car felt like it was veering all over the road. I quickly told my dh to pull over! He took me home. I felt better when I laid down. We went to mass this morning. I still felt light headed but made it through mass. My mom told me that protein would probably help. The gona.l F. is strong hormonal stuff messing with my body and mind too. I think she's right. After an egg muffin sand this morning...I felt better. I have a dr's appt tomorrow morning for a scan to see how many follies are maturing so I will inform them of the side effects that I have experienced. I don't feel horrible, I haven't had an allergic reaction (like other meds I've taken) but I'm not feeling my best either. Today is gorgeous out....low 80's and sunny. I'm going to sit out on our deck and read...enjoy the day that the Lord has given us. I don't think the heat and humidity we had last week helped me at all. Lord willing...tomorrow will bring forth some good news! My next step is the HC.G injection and progester.one.
Besides the meds...I have started doing a clinical that I need to do for my certification. I am going to a day c.are center to observe children from the ages birth - 3 yrs old. Last week I watched 3's, 4's and 5's (of course I didn't sit and just watch... I interacted. I couldn't help it!). Next week, I'm going to observe in the infant room. I hope I can handle this. I asked the dire.ctor if I could "help" with the infants...and she answered "Of course! The teachers in that room could use some help!" I'm actually looking forward to it...I just love babies. I just pray emotionally it doesn't get to me. I have to be strong....God give me strength! I hope I can just have fun with the infants and make notes for the paper I have to write. I love this new career path that I am on...sometimes it's hard seeing the children and knowing I don't have any myself. Sometimes I do feel selfish. Sometimes I just want to pound sand and cry a river. I do see a lot of young parents! Hmmm....
I just finished reading a Christia.n love story (all fiction) where this women lost her child and husband in a fire and she got scarred on her face. Long story short...she hid herself on a secluded farm. A stranger came to her door (a handsome man of course) to stay in a unused cabin she had on the property. Of course these two fell in love...blah, blah, blah. There was something that I did get out of this story. The woman explained that when she stopped asking God why and she stopped trying to understand what had happened to her...she began to accept God's will and she finally made a breakthrough and was able to face others, etc. I need to work on that....I often don't understand why I have the cross of IF when so many teens or other mothers have babies and don't want them or can't give those children all that they need. I need to accept with God's grace....there is no answer. This in not something for me to understand...when I truly stop questioning and trying to figure this out...then I have accepted God's will. I do trust in our Good Lord...I know He loves me and He has good intentions for me. Through suffering...we learn and find strength. I find it hard to offer up this cross as I contend with the meds...it's just something I need to work on. I've learned this takes time...six years is a long time...but not to God. What does "time" mean to God? Good question?
Please pray for my brother and his family. His marriage is in dire need of prayer. Divor.ce looks likely. It's been a tough situation for my brother and he did his best to keep it all together for his two boys...however he can't fight anymore. He's surrendering and now seeking legal advi.ce. I hope he finds God in all of this and seeks His advice too. God Bless.
Will definitely pray for your brother. Divorce is such a heavy cross. The side effects from your injections sound wicked! I don't think I would get out of bed. And I would certainly complain more than you are. You're so brave, accepting whatever comes with them and just doing the next treatment! I hope you feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteYes indeed, I did hear that protein shakes help draw the water from being "stimulated". A good blogger told me that!! Apparently the "cells" hold on to water in that event and the protein draws out the water! That is why I am on dandelion to help erradicate the water and pretty severe bloat. So far it is working great! I would definately try the protein shakes if you can!! :)
ReplyDeleteYou are brave! Good for you! Fight the monster head on!
I liked the other reading today as well that spoke of God creating us to be imperishable, and that evil causes death. I wonder if in our infertility we are fighting evil. :)
I'm praying for your brother. Divorce is a terrible thing. I know you'll be able to get through your observation time in the infant room. It's different when you're with many children en masse than when your with them individually. I personally think it's easier to face babies than baby bumps, for that matter.
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