Sunday, June 7, 2009
Just a random realization
I happened to come across an advice column in the local newspaper that caught my eye and made me ponder. The letter had nothing do with IF but I was able to apply the advice my own life and thoughts...Anyway, this single male was looking for advice on dating and finding a woman to settle down with. He noted in his letter all the things he'd have to give up in order to have a life partner; like coming and going when he pleases, no one to answer to, blah, blah, blah. The columnist who answered noted that when you meet your life partner...it's not about what you're giving up but it's an exchange. You're exchanging your present life for a change. Why would anyone get married if they thought it wasn't going to change their lives or bring happiness? hmmm... On that thought...I was thinking about how I often look at my life now and the day when I have a child(Lord Willing). I never thought about it being an "exchange"...but always thought about what I would be giving up; i.e. sleep, quietness in the house, watching tv whenever I want and not caring about what is on, blah, blah, blah....as you all know I would gladly exchange the life I have now for the life of being a parent because I think it would be different and yes, would bring me a new kind of happiness. I wouldn't be TTC if I didn't think children would change my life right? I'd exchange sleeping at night for soothing my baby. I don't know if it makes sense...I'm happy with my life as it is now....it's what I know and it's good and full of blessings. I'd be willing to make changes in my life to have a family. I'd exchange being a couple without children to a couple with children if that is the will of God. I don't know if it's about exchanges or changes but whatever it is....I'd be willing to do it (and so would my dh). It's ultimately in the Lord's hands...I just think I need to stop thinking about what I'd be giving up for a family. Thanks for reading my blabbing...sometimes we just have to blab. God Bless!
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Yes, having a child means giving up a lot, but like you said, you get so much more in exchange. It's hard not to focus on the inconvenience having a child presents - lack of sleep being a big one - but you know it's worth it in the end. After TTCing this long, I'll bet the inconveniences - the exchanges - won't be nearly as inconvenient. I suppose that's one (minor) benefit of IF, if IF can be said to have benefits.
ReplyDeleteI'm interested that you focus on the things you'd lose - while I recognize I would lose some things I take for granted (and occasionally realize that there would be sacrifices I'd find uncomfortable), I know part of my trouble comes from the fact that I've idealized (maybe rightly) the benefits AND burdens of motherhood. Benefits are obvious; burdens, well, if I lost sleep to care for a child, that would build selflessness and love; if I suffer now and so avoid kid-centric activities, I become selfish and brittle and ungenerous. (I'm not sure I'm not right about this, BTW.) Anyway, I'm interested that you present it as seeing that motherhood would be a sacrifices. I think that's more balanced than my default view.
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