Yesterday was CD1 and all I felt was numbness....all a bunch of nothing, no crying, pounding sand or begging God on my knees "not one more month!". I thought for sure since this was the first cycle of TTC after the surg...I'd be all excited and then hurt when the cycle started. Nope, nada, nothing. Oh well....I guess that is what happens when one has been TTC for so long. I guess my hopes aren't as up as I thought they were. I'm kind of liking this new "tude" if you will. It's a lot easier to handle then the "mess" I've felt before. :)
On Mon I'm going to call the dr about starting those inject.ion meds that are awaiting me in my fridge. I'm not looking forward to the meds at all. I just haven't had good experiences with this stuff...especially inject.ions. The meds never make me feel good either. My mom comments when I talk to her about this: "You won't feel good when your preg. at first either." I know...at least there's a baby on the way..with the meds...there's what? False hope? Any hope? My dh told me yesterday that he doesn't feel either way about the meds now. Dr's before were optimistic that this or that will do the job. Humph!
I hope everyone had a good day with their fathers or not. My dad, mom, older brother and my niece came over for a meal and cake. We just all hung out. It was nice and quiet.
I know the numbness. Over the long run it makes your personality a little harder to get a hold of, so I guess I don't want to stay here forever. But heaven knows it makes life less devastating every month. Hope your surgery "takes" on the next cycle...
ReplyDeleteI just wonder if I'm pretty content with my life now and if I get pregnant "great!" if not, that's fine too. Either way...I'm living and I'm going to be happy. I guess I surprised myself this last month...I thought the surg lended itself to some disappointment...guess not. Maybe my new attitude is "I'll believe it when I see it." At some point, we just have to keep moving forward. :)
ReplyDeleteNumbness is better than other things. I have the "I'll believe it when I see it attitude" as well. Still, that's better than other things, too.
ReplyDeletePFH...I agree..Yes...it is better. :)
ReplyDeletegood luck with the injectibles this month! is this your first round with them? they were not too bad for me - let me know if you need any advice or have any questions.
ReplyDeletei'm starting to wonder if i'm content enough with my life also, but i'm with you on the "believe it when i see it" - it's been too long to think otherwise.
so glad to hear your ultrasound went well yesterday, and that your injections are off to a good start! i was so relieved to just start them, you know what i mean? it was a bit intimidating looking at all of it in anticipation.
ReplyDeletei was really surprised to hear all that the dr told me...he was the on call dr, since i had to go on a saturday so it was kind of nice to hear it from him as another perspective.
if this all works we will be commenting on blogs everywhere :)