Pit in my stomach

I don't know why I have this bothersome pit feeling in my stomach. My dh and I had some serious conversations over the past weekend.....some good and some bad. He is just so done with IF. When I mention something about IF, he gets upset. He has resigned. I know now that I have to keep this to myself until I have some good news or at least something worth hearing about. This is really all due to dr napro who gave us the run around. I regret seeing that dr now. My dh doesn't regret but I do. I just don't think dr napro knew what to do and wasn't honest with us. We were just an experiment and he dabbled. I'm still working on getting over the feeling of anger. It's so obvious to me and us that he didn't care. I did cancel the appt with the practitioner. I can decipher my peak day pretty good. I plan on still charting. I truly hope the new IF spec I see can help but if not........we are done. I don't think I can do more. I'm even struggling with seeing the new IF spec but there's a part of me that wants to know if there is something medically wrong with me like endo, cysts, etc. It's not so much about having a baby........it's making sure I'm still healthy. My dh is totally okay with being checked out for medical issues.
Today has actually been a rather good and relaxing day. I chose not to work. I finished reading a good romantic novel. I love reading romance novels. This book made me miss my dh and when he comes home tonight I will give him a huge hug. I don't have a favorite author so I'll pretty much read a book by anyone. I did some studying, I got some of the usual housework done and I just enjoyed the quiet of the day. It helped the pit feeling which is probably just anxiety. I sometimes feel anxiety when I'm left hanging or I feel alone. I guess as of right now, I'm on this IF journey alone and not with my husband. I don't think there is any way to get him back on board. It's not a good feeling. In some ways I want to be done too. Maybe I should be done. Maybe going to the IF spec is going to give me false hopes or lead me along again on a road that is at a dead end. I do pray for this knot of IF to be undone. I'm not going to let this ruin my marriage. If it comes down to that.......I will be done. God gave me a wonderful and prayerful man. I'm not going to jeopardize that for a baby. On this IF journey...this is the first time we've been split. He's done...I'm still searching. I guess I'm still hopeful and have not totally given up. Thank you blog friends who have been giving me kind words of hope and prayer. I do appreciate them! God bless.