Thursday, January 22, 2009
Confidence
Unfortunately, I woke up this morning thinking too much about my life and IF. I figured out this morning that I really don't have any confidence in what I am doing to have a baby. There's something amiss. Of course, it could be the prometrium talking. I haven't felt well since taking the pills and the Dr. has not offered us any real thoughts on what to do next. I don't have confidence in the Napro dr. I think he's kind of "flying by the seat of his pants." I'm tired of dabbling when I have so many unanswered questions. I'm feeling so frustrated. I haven't been taking any substitute jobs because I haven't been feeling well...so basically I've been home all day wallowing in all of my thoughts. I'm sure you've all heard the saying "An idle mind is a devils workshop." Haaa....ugh...I just don't feel positive. I can't wait for spring when I can go outside and garden or go for a nice walk. I'm tired of being so couped up. Ugh again..My hubby asks when I'll be done with the Napro dr and going to another infertility spec. I don't know....I just have a gut feeling, taking a pill is not going to do the trick. Thank you to everyone whose been responding to my posts! It's been so helpful and truly a new blessing that I discovered. I pray for you all too. I do have a HUGE feeling this year I will be accepting God's will (whatever that may be). Many blessing to everyone!!!
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I just want to encourage you to stick with it during the hard days too. I know those days come. They often leave me wondering if I'm making the best decisions or whether I'm doing enough, and I tend to want to put off life while I wait for something to happen. Some days it just weighs so heavily. I have to constantly remind myself that it's not my own timing, but God's that I'm waiting for.
ReplyDeleteI know that you totally grasp this too, but I just wanted to offer some encouragement today. Thanks for all the great comments on my blog lately!
I am ready to just start knocking on any or every door and rip up my chart in the process. I am so tired of the slow process. But then I realized that is God. He is slow. I promise I am not name calling but He is really slow! :) hehehehehe
ReplyDeleteCan you switch Dr.? Try calling them and see if they can work with you over the phone? You never know? One Dr. might see something different. I think we have to maintain persistency as well. :) I know my default my Creighton Dr. is slow. But I do know he answers me at least with in a week. Does he know how long 7 days is to an infertile girl! Hahahaha!
I feel very much the same way at times. One set-back to NaPro is that it does take time, more time than any ART would. But when I read the success stories in Women Healed (does your Dr have a copy of this in his waiting room?)- it helps me put it all in perspective. I would much rather wait 3 yrs through NaPro treatment to achieve the first pregnancy, than to wait 1 1/2 to 2 yrs of ART Drs for every single pregnancy... and then always worry if they are as healthy as they could be, kwim?
ReplyDeleteThere is a purpose to all of this. I am not sure exactly what yet, but I know there is one! Try talking to your Dr, maybe if he sits you down and discusses his treatment plan with you on a month by month basis, it will give you a clearer picture of why and how he is doing things this way. Or maybe he will even speed things up if he thinks you're on to something.
Big hugs, 'cuz I'm feeling the impatience today, too.
Yeah, I have looked into the IF spec (their website) in my area who my insurance covers and there is a big section on all those ART, IVF procedures. Ugh! If I happen to go to this Dr. I will be very ADAMENT about my position on those procedures...I won't let him talk to me about that. I just want to know if I have endo, cysts, or something else going on that is preventing getting pregnant. The napro dr (who doesn't do any procedures) I see is slow (very non assertive). He's mentioned suppositories...but is that just enough? Obviously, the prom pills weren't enough. Once my cycle starts this month, I'll call him and figure out another plan. My husband wants a long term plan from him. He is sick of this month by month. I agree. I keep praying for patience. Is it me, or does the charting seem to make IF harder to deal with? After all, everytime we go to the bathroom we have to check for some kind of sign,,,right? It does not allow us one moment to forget about what we are going through. hhmmmmm...
ReplyDeleteSew..I actually drew sad faces next to all the months on my charts. My husband made me white them out. He thought I was being over reactive and silly. What does he expect? I'm an IF girl. Somedays it feels good to be emotional. :( Hugs to all and blessings.