I'm in complete utter shock. Yestersday, I get home from class and there's a message..from someone else we know from our parish. This man and his family do foste.r care and they recently took in a six month old baby. THey also have one biological child. Well, I guess they got a call for a sibling group (2yr old and 5 month old)...these children are foster to possible adopt. He wanted to know where we are in our adoption process (we've told them that we are licensed...it's not really stuff to be remembered, I guess)..and asked if we'd be interested in fostering these children. My heart and mind said "Yes!"....however when dh got home...he said "No" not until 20.11. He thinks I need to finish school and studen.t teach.ing. He knows how stressful all of that is and adding two little children may be too much...he's right. I know I'm not all that good with long term stressful situations (my stomach gets so sick). So....another possible opportunity...has to be let go. Will there be others? Will the next call be a "yes" from the both of us?
This morning I prayed to God...Why? Why all of a sudden in two weeks we have been called to maybe adopt or foster? Is God changing His mind on His plans? I thought and knew for sure..He wanted me to teach. Now I'm questioning. I had to sub this morning and I was in tears on the drive over but collected myself when I got to the school. What is going on? Am I thinking too much about this? Me...the follower. I want to do God's will. Is He asking something new of us or me? I just don't have answers. But here I am...about to finish my educat.ion...am looking forward to making a difference in many little lives...and now I'm wondering. I don't know. I'll just keep praying. What else can I do?
I think the best way to put all of this is...I accepted the life He placed before me. I let it all go..my desires for a baby did subside...I just focused on all the positives I do have. I kind of moved on. I just did not see the logic in wanting something I couldn't have. But now? I know I'd love a baby. Is He putting that desire back in my heart? What is He asking of me? So many unanswered questions.
Also, I got a letter from the University..they have gotten my placements for the studen.t teaching. This is early. I wasn't expecting to know this informationuntil sometime in the summer! Cool...fricki.n...cool. So hard to believe I'm so close to the end. Wow! They are good placements too. I'm thrilled. God is so taking good care of me. I feel blessed.
I hope everyone has a blessed Easter! Thanks again to my prayer buddy. I feel like lately God is hearing and answering prayers. Such a wonderful feeling. Amen...Amen.
I am glad you got the placement information early to help you remember why you need to focus on that now. I am grateful for my son, in that case it was "try now for the best chance" so we did, but 7 years after beginning, I am still working on my PhD and it has only gotten harder since having him. Pregnant again, thrilled again, scared to death at how I will accomplish this before he/she arrives in the fall. It is soooo much easier to end one big thing before beginning another. I am motivated, on track, and focused person. Until I get derailed. And then I find it almost impossible to get going again with hurdles.
ReplyDeleteMy goodness. Sometimes it is very difficult to know for sure what God wants us to do. I wish He'd come up and bop us on the forehead and say "hey, you need to do this now". But, he doesn't This is a toughie.
ReplyDeleteWe were offered newborns twice almost 10 years ago and we turned them both down. Both would have been private, local adoptions. We felt for sure back then we would be able to get pregnant on your own. At that point we hadn't even seen a doctor. I look back and think how different my life would have been if we had only said yes. I still to this day don't know what the right answer was.
Best of luck to you. You and your hubby are in my prayers!
Wow! I don't know what to say. It's important to know what you can handle. But those little ones are SO TEMPTING (to me on your behalf - heh). Keep praying - you'll get to the answers you need! Have a blessed Triduum and a happy Easter!
ReplyDeleteWheelbarrowrider...you are so right and that is exactly what my dh said...I just have to finish this certification and that letter arrived in perfect time. I need to stay focused. Your words helped and so did everyone elses. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for you and I hope that you'll have some opportunities come up in 2011 for adoption when you'll be able to accept.
ReplyDeletewow.... when it rains it pours. have to agree with misfit - the little ones are tempting, but you also have to know yourself, and what you can do at the time. the timing of your letter was perfect to help you make your decision. just keep praying about it - when it's meant to be it will all feel right and just fall into place.
ReplyDeletehave a blessed holy week and great easter!