Meaningful

Wow...I can't believe it's been a month since my last post...I guess working on about 40 student portfolio's, parent/teacher conferences and everyday stress has had something to do with it.  So, happy Easter..belated! 

To begin, I had a bomb dropped on me the other day at work.  We were called to a staff mtg at the end of the day last Thursday.  None of us knew what this sudden mtg was about.  So, I sat down with all of my co-workers and was told that I was going to be moved to another school....for my classroom was now going bi-lingual.  I get it.  I have a few students myself who would benefit from a bi-lingual teacher.  I'm not bi-lingual so they allocated me and my assistant to another school...in a really bad area of town...much farther away from my home and with a principal who is known to be very mean. *Sigh*.  Another teacher's classroom is going to be made bi-lingual as well...but she gets to go to a better school, to a better area, etc...she has more seniority than I (kinda sucks to be the low man on the totem pole)  She broke down and cried...she loves the school where we work and she has many friends there.  I didn't cry..for I was thinking about leaving anyways...and I don't have any real attachments to the school...I guess I was floored that I wasn't told this info privately first.  Didn't I deserve that?  I was embarrassed...for the other teacher's were looking at me. I really don't like to be called out either.   In the end...it is a blessing for me...it's the push I needed to make THAT decision I've been procrastinating on.  I'm thankful that I will have a job and there will be other schools for me to transfer too if I decide to keep teaching.  The  next day I got sympathy and my current principal talked to me after the meeting to make sure I was okay.  It's going to end well. :)

I guess that whole situation made me reflect on why I went into teaching anyways.  I just wanted to do something meaningful with my life since motherhood was not happening for me (us).  Teaching has been hard.  This last year has been so overwhelming and stressful and just seems to continue to go downhill...(with hopes it will end on a high note!).  I hope I've done good for some of my students.  I have had a few that never spoke who now are having conversations with me.  I do love some of my kiddos and continue to work on loving the not so easy to love children.  I will say the biting and hitting has subsided...either with maturity or because these little boys have come to realize I'm not the bad guy.  I'm safe...school is safe. I am trying to be a good and faithful servant for the Lord...I just hope to continue that  wherever the next journey in my career takes me.

I am still praying and discerning about becoming a dev. therapist for my state ear.ly intervent.ion program.  It will be a big leap of faith.  I know teaching is hard...and very stressful but I know what it is (if that makes sense).  What will D.T bring me?  I have no knowledge about having my own at home business.  I will have lots to learn.  But I do know I will still be helping children...I will be giving them a head start before going to preschool.  This is really scary and up until a few days ago...I could think about it when I wanted...but now I need to think and pray about it...NOW!  Do I continue teaching or be brave and go for this change?  My dh just states.."give this new career a try and if it doesn't work out...you can look for a teaching job again."  I just wonder if it's that easy.  I do know one thing...IF I stick with teaching....and I have another year like this last year...I will be filled with regret....and I will end with that.

Cycle news...nothing.  LDN seems to be helping with the inflammation...so far the cramps are minimal and my cycle should start on Monday.  It was very hard to take those HCG shots this past month.  Ugh!  Between the job and taking hormones...It's just all starting to feel like it's getting to be too much.  One day at a time, one day at a time.

One last thought...before I got into my car to go to work yesterday I had an anxiety attack.  I knew what it was and I did some deep breathing and just worked hard at taking my mind off of the stress from the day before.  I didn't sleep well the night before and my mind was racing.  I was dizzy as well.  I drove on.  It wasn't good but I made it too work and the day went well.  I was busy and maybe the compassion from a few co-workers helped.  I know my prayers did too.

Spring has sprung...and now I can get outside to walk and freshen my spirits!  God bless you all.