We ARE the only ones...

to not have children in our lives. When my dh got home from working all day...I had that news to share. We knew of one other couple (IRL) that did not have children and were married a few years longer than us...but they were younger (early 30's). Last night, I talked with a friend I met at a job...we got to know her daughter and her husband..we hung out a few times. Nice couple but I wouldn't say close friends...just people we knew, etc. Anyway...my friend told me that this couple is now expecting. We haven't talked to them in about two years...so I was happy for them.... As I'm typing this...this couple just tried calling...I didn't answer. My friend must have told her daughter to call me...why? My dh and I agreed that if this couple tried to call us now...it would be rub it in our face? Make us feel worse? I don't think it's cool to not to talk to someone for a few years and call them to announce baby news especially knowing we can't have children(yes, they are aware of our IF). I will tell you one thing...this particular family (my friend included) is not very privy to others feelings....just something my dh and I have learned about them... My friend and her dh are good Catholics and very involved with the church. Moving on....can't wait to hear that message. Am I wrong about feeling weird about this? I guess I'm thankful that I know the "news" already for if I didn't and answered that call...I'd be in for a shock or major slap in the face, huh?

Anyway...still no news on my class which isn't helping. My dh and I had this deep discussion the other day...not fight...but discussion about "avoiding" until the end of the year? This way if I have to take a class while studen.t teach.ing...I wouldn't have the added stress of being pregnant, etc. I guess I don't know where he thinks pregnancy is going to happen for us. It hasn't for 7 years. I keep trying to tell him that. For the five or six months we "avoided" we were basically a married couple who shared a bed (I'm not going into details but I think that says it all). He started to get upset when I told him that I'm starting to feel like having a baby (Lord willing) would be the worse thing to happen now. In my opinion and heart of hearts...having a baby and studen.t teach.ing are both blessings...I want to leave it up to God to chose which one will be for us. My dh feels differently...we may lose money...I may be sick..blah..blah..blah. Oh well, we ended up coming to the conclusion that we won't "avoid" but won't "try" either. Which means what?

To be honest with you all...I'd give up studen.t teachi.ng for a baby. If the baby was ours or a baby that we would have a good chance of adopting (like a b/m picks us, etc). For me...teachi.ng helped me to focus on something else...but was never meant to replace. I figured teaching was God's plan for me so I followed that plan...and I will keep doing so unless God's let me/us know otherwise. I guess I'm tired of putting my life on hold for my career. It's stressing me out. I'm feeling lost. Maybe when I am done with school it will all come together but right now..I still feel left hanging. We can not control life....I've learned that. There are so many other things that can happen to make studen.t teachi.ng not happen..death in the family (God forbid)..sick family member (God forbid) or anything? Like I said...I'll keep living my life on this path God has paved for me...unless He changes it. Thy will be done! I honestly have this gut feeling..I may not be studen't teachi.ng next fall...I can't explain it. If it's not that...I hope something better will come our way.

Gosh...I woke up this am with the worse migraine, sinus headache! It's allergy season for me. I'm still in my pj's and it's almost noon. I feel cruddy. Oh well...I'm a little depressed too. I'll go pray the Rosary and have a good cry...that will at least help my sinuses right?

Oh...I'm also worried about getting that endo back. So worried. Not sure what my options are at this point.

Lord Jesus Christ...pray for us! Help me to be strong in carrying this heavy cross. I trust in you and love you. Amen.

Sorry if I talk about studen.t teachin.g so much...it's my life right now. I know boring, huh? I'll try to start posting about other things...I promise!