I had a little chat with my principal this week and it looks like (most likely) I won't be able to teach the fifth grade next year....due to my certification which is E.C. I'm okay with that and so is my dh. We've always known when I took this position it could be a short term one. Doesn't look like any of the teacher's who teach the younger grades are interested in switching either. That being said...I'm having quite the learning experience. However, I still struggle. Not sure I like teaching...there...said it. I told my dh that and he was disappointed. Me too. I guess I thought I would be happier but the more time I spend working (which is countless hours) the less I feel satisfied. I feel like my job never stops. It doesn't. Sure, I'm new but really? I know teaching is all consuming but this is getting to be too much. I grade, then I grade some more and when I finish that...there's more grading. I've learned to hate grading essay questions too. Ugh! Part of the problem is some children don't know how to answer them. I guess that's a lesson I need to teach, huh? I won't add that I had another parent teacher conf that did not go so well. It was obvious to me that this couple don't like my teaching style. I didn't say much but listened to their negativity...they used harsh words to describe how their child is now doing with me as the teacher...however they wanted to make it clear it wasn't my fault..Huh? Whatever! I move on.....maybe teaching younger children will go better. I hope so. I'm not giving up...but I'm not sure either. I don't know if any of this makes sense.
On a better note...my dh and I went on our Valentine's date today. Yeah, too busy to do it earlier. ha! It was nice to spend the afternoon with him. He is my rock.
I've been thinking a lot about how we don't have children. It hasn't bothered me in a long time but lately...I've been wondering. I sometimes feel like we should try meds again knowing all to well...I couldn't handle being a new teacher and the side effects of meds. Oh no. Maybe this summer...since my g.p is a creighton dr now...I'll investigate my options again. I still wonder if we'll ever get another call about adoption. So much uncertainty I guess.
I wonder why God wanted me to be a teacher. I guess I thought I would love this. I thought it would make me forget my IF life. I thought it would make up for that loss in some ways. It doesn't. I'm thankful for the job and all...and in my state..teaching jobs are hard to come by. Maybe in time I'll have more answers. Maybe.
I'm looking forward to praying for another prayer buddy. This will help me get back on track with my prayers. Yes, my prayer life has suffered. Immensely. **sigh**
Sorry for your job frustrations, I'll pray for answers for you. I too am looking forward to prayer buddies!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your position at your school. This time of year is so hard, particularly when you know what is coming next year. I taught the fifth and sixth grades for six years and it was tough, particularly my last year AND I was taking all of the fertility drugs (those poor kids!).
ReplyDeleteIs there any way that you can sub next year? It's a good way to get into the schools and I know that my school always calls back the really good ones!
Btw, I apologize for not commenting more on your blog. For some reason when I read your posts on my i.Phone only the bottom part is clear. So strange!
I'm guessing that, like with everything, the first year is the hardest. Knowing that doesn't help at the moment unless we understand that things will get better. This weekends readings really hit home for me, maybe they did for you too. Sometimes we all need to be reminded.
ReplyDeleteFr. Wade Menezes is giving our parish mission beginnng today and ending Thursday (let me know if you have time to come for one or more of his talks - they begin at 7pm). My husband was listening to one of his homilies and Father said, "If we have a strong desire in our hearts, God desires it more for us." I'm still chewing on that one...trying to figure out how infertility works into that. It is nice to know that the desire in my heart for a child to hold is what God desires more. Now if we could just hold one, then it would be crystal clear that is what God wanted too! Oh, me of little faith...But you...if that desire is still there then explore it. God desires it more for you!
I'm sorry. I know the feeling of not feeling fulfilled by a job you thought would be fulfilling. I'm not sure what it is that's missing, either, and sometimes small things can make the difference. Maybe it will be a different grade for you - I hope so!
ReplyDelete