Monday, June 14, 2010

We were not chosen.

The b/m picked a family that already has another bi-racial child. I get that. Totally. What I don't get is why our agency offered this child to us when the b/m most likely knew she wanted a family with another bi-racial child. My dh is convinced they did not know that however I am not. I'm not too sure about this agency...never really was.

So, how am I taking this yet another rejection on my journey of becoming a parent? It sucks.
Boy, this is hard. I'm angry...I hate my barren womb! I hate my barren life! Ugh! I guess I don't take this kind of rejection well. I never imagined this hurting this bad. I ache.

I know this is short post but I don't feel well right now. I'm depressed and scared. Scared my life will be childless. Not a good feeling.

Well...anyways...my dh is thankful the wait wasn't too long...I guess. Somehow God thinks what happened is good and will make me stronger. I guess I don't see it right now(or feel it). Please pray for me.

21 comments:

  1. Oh, I am so incredibly sorry you are going through this. I'm just heartbroken for you. I'm praying for you, friend.

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  2. I ache for you. This must be so hard and I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for you!

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  3. I don't know what to say in a circumstance like this. I hope the agency didn't know. I sure would ask them if they knew that tidbit of info!

    Praying you will find the strength to pick yourself up and keep on going! God bless!

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  4. It is very difficult to see God's hand in the crummy cards we are dealt. I definately do not see Him anywhere in our situation, either. But He's there. Just know He has not forgotten you. That thought alone helps get me through some of the most rotten days.

    My prayers are all for you this evening.
    I'm so very sorry.

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  5. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard this is, and I pray you get your next call very soon!

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  6. I'm so sorry...There is nothing I can say but only offer prayers. I can only imagine the devestation....

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  7. I will keep praying for you! I'm so sorry that your going through this now. *hugs*

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  8. Oh J, I am so sorry. I was so hopeful for you and your DH. I wish I could come over and give you a hug, but I guess my prayers and a cyberhug will have to do. Sorry....my dear friend...I am so sorry. St. John the Baptist, pray for us!

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  9. I'm so sorry. You're in my prayers.

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  10. I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for you. I hope the right baby comes along soon.

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  11. I'm so sorry. I can feel your heartbreak in your writing. I will pray for you.

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  12. I am so sorry to hear this news. I can imagine that this must be one of the hardest things to go through. I'll keep you and your husband in my prayers.

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  13. Thanks everyone for the prayers! I do appreciate them.

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  14. I am so sorry to hear this. Heartbreaking. You will continue in my prayers, and one day your tears will be turned into joy.

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  15. I'm so sorry to hear this news too. For whatever reason, it wasn't meant to be. You are in my prayers...praying and hoping for you!

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  16. I'm so sorry to hear this too. For whatever reason, it wasn't meant to be. Hoping and praying for you!

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  17. I am so sorry to read this. Praying for you!

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  18. So sad for you but I'll keep praying! E-mail me if you want to chat about foster-adoption!

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  19. Stopping to say a prayer for you now. It'll happen. Hang in there.

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  20. I'm thinking about you a lot today. Hold on. I know how much this has shaken you so, but just hold on and let us lift you up in prayer.

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  21. Long sigh... This is so disappointing. I'm so sorry and am lifting you up in prayer. I read in the latest post that you're considering another agency and I highly recommend that. We're on two waiting lists and working on a third. Spread the love, baby! :)

    Praying for you during this difficult time- that God will give you courage and keep your heart soft and vulnerable.

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