A Random Answered Prayer

 

Today, I had a day.  I'm really bummed that my weight loss journey is just going so slow.  It's a uncontrollable rollar coaster.  I want to cry!  I want to give up.  I'm ready to throw in the towel.  My body likes to be fat.  My body is fighting me every step of the way and my body has the "hormones" on it's side.  I gain at least two pounds every cycle.  Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.  My weight loss journey and IF journey are sucking right now.  I don't have nice words.  NONE.  All of this nothingness happening is getting me down.

AND

I read a blog post and my emotions crashed. I don't have the energy to get all revved up again but this post made me question so many things...why are we waiting so long...why does this have to be so hard....when will we have the baby of our dreams in our arms to love and nurture?  It may never happen...that's our reality.  God picks big families to grow through adoption...but not us...He's probably laughing at me.  Ya know, I think it's okay at times to be upset with God and His plan.  Sometimes it makes no sense.  It's not easy to accept HIS will for us. I'm at a loss.

But then.....

My dh walked by me after dinner and asked "What are you thinking?"  He could tell I was upset as I looked at the computer.  It had just finished raining.  I got up and said loudly "I could use a rainbow right now!!  I would really like God to give me that today. "  I looked outside once...no rainbow...I looked again...and there it was.  It was a quick rainbow...disappeared quickly but I saw it...I saw it and knew God was smiling down at me. 

Maybe today, God is on my side.  He let me know that He is here.