you've been warned by the title...I've been struggling with being happy over here. I guess I can bullet point why I'm not happy.
One: The silence of our adoption journey is deafening. Really. Haven't heard a thing. Really. We should be getting an update from our agency soon. I just want that call that an expectant mother is interested in us or better yet, chosen us! My priest told me that Jesus is using this waiting time for something good...I was like "Eleven Years?". If and when we do adopt...I will be the best mother ever! I certainly have waited long enough..huh?
Two: My FIL said some really nasty things to my dh recently...huge blow out. My dh didn't see his dad on Father's day...because his dad told my dh not to come over. My dh was willing to overlook the fight. FIL has apologized but I get the gut feeling there is motive behind it. I guess we'll have to wait and see how strong my dh is. His father is very manipulative and he lays on the guilt trips. I don't have a relationship with my FIL and I don't really want one. I just do what I have too for my dh. He is certainly not going to manipulate me or talk bad about my faith or the Lord in my house. Ugh!
Three: I have got to start looking at my diet. I've been working out...love Zumba...but haven't lost pounds. This girl needs to see results. Ugh. However last Friday I did try on some jeans I haven't been able to wear and they fit! I still like to see a decrease in weight but I'll take decrease in inches as well. This must be the right time for me to join a gym because I actually like it and WANT to go there. It's a bit pricey. I shouldn't feel guilty for spending a little extra on myself...but I do. Weird huh? Oh well...I'm still going guilt or not!
Four: Been feeling a lot of "knots"...so my dh and I have started the
Mary Undoer of Knots novena. So far, my dh is benefiting. I guess if
one of our prayers is answered...that is good? My prayers to
adopt/become a mother just go on being unanswered. I don't know why I
keep hanging on to this "dream" to therefore continue with the pain. I
don't get it. Mary, Undoer of Knots...Pray for us!
I had a good cry last Sat morning. I was going to blog but I couldn't. I didn't know how to put into words how I was feeling. I know that "time" is coming so I'm hormonal...which never helps anything. So far, all the drama with my FIL has not caused any fights between my dh and I....we do fight a lot over him...especially when he's coming to our house. Yesterday, my parents came over for BBQ and the four of us had a nice relaxed dinner...no tensions...no nothing. It was great...when my FIL comes..I'm tense and no one seems to be themselves. My dh noticed. He's right. Lord, help us.
My brother and his boys will be visiting again soon. It will be nice to have some family time. My brother is going to come to one yoga class with me. That will be fun. So maybe soon...I will have some happies to share!
Mother Mary, Pray for us!
I have been doing Light Weigh, it's a weight loss program/bible study-reflection. It has been very fruitful for me. Glad to hear your brother is visiting.
ReplyDeleteInches are great, but who doesn't want to see some pounds go? I'm glad you've found something that you enjoy, though. I think that's the number one key to success. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteThanks for being real! That's what's important and you've been through so much that's so tough. It's so hard to just keep waiting waiting waiting. Good for you for praying Mary undoer of knots, love that prayer. We should probably pray it over here, there are a lot of things on my mind too.
ReplyDeleteI really like that I can be real on this blog. This is my hard core self. I'm glad I have this blog for releasing to others who know what I am going through.
DeleteHugging from afar! I'm sorry you've been going through all these non-happies lately. :( IF and slow adoption can really bog us down, not to mention family issues! As for the working out but not losing weight: usually in the beginning, you start to gain muscle, which weighs more than fat, so that could be why you haven't seen results on the scale yet. It's great to hear that those old pants fit! That's definitely a good sign. :)
ReplyDeleteYes and that is what is keeping me motivated...my clothes are not as snug. I just like the scale to agree. :)
DeleteSorry to hear that things have been so difficult lately...I know all of us can relate, and we all have those days/weeks/months, etc. Praying and exercising are great stress-relievers...I'll send some extra prayers your way, too! As for the old pair of pants, that's such a GREAT feeling!!! :)
ReplyDeleteAh...I know what you mean about results, but gosh, I wish my old pants fit right now! Good for you. I've heard good things about Zumba - been thinking about looking into it. But I'm an embarrassingly bad dancer, so there's that.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear these things are weighing on you. Truly, I can't fathom your patience with this whole IF/adoption process.
Sorry for the funk. :( Praying things turn around soon!! I know what you mean about needing the weight loss results!! It's such a struggle.
ReplyDelete