Merry Christmas with pic!

  Teresa is really the reason I got through the Christmas holiday.  Really.  My dad's bday would have been Christmas and since he's with the Lord now, the day was different.  Also, a week before Christmas I found out a dear childhood friend of mine had passed away after a two year battle with cancer.  I have so many memories to cherish of her.  She left behind a husband and two children.

So, Christmas with a 20 month old was fun.  She wanted nothing to do with the plethora of gifts waiting for her.  She was all about the ornaments on the tree and after the third time of trying to entice her into opening a gift, she did what any other 20 month old would do, she had a tantrum. Haha.  She did understand that Santa had come.  We told her when she got up that Santa had been to our house and she ran to the living room and looked at the gifts.  We never told her where Santa was going to put the gifts.  We keep the living room gated off so she could never play with the tree so I guess it wasn't a big surprise that she was in awe with the tree.  Santa did bring her a new play kitchen which was waiting for her in her playroom, she liked that gift....ALOT.  It was a cute morning and magical because of her.  That kitchen will be my saving grace on the long winter days when we can't leave the house, right?  Love that playroom.

We were to have family over for dinner but my brother came down with the flu so he and my mom thought it would be best if they stayed away from Teresa (never mind us).  My brother was visiting my mom when he got sick...now she's been exposed.  Teresa has been dealing with a cold and getting her 2 year old molars so we agreed with their decision. We also did Christmas mass separate as to not expose Teresa to anymore germs.  That was another good decision.  I made dinner and brought it to my mom's house. 

So, it was a quiet Christmas day.  I was going to go visit my dad's grave but it was so cold out and the day got away from me.  I had been there earlier in the week and put a potted evergreen there.  I saw that other grave sites had a decoration and thought my father deserved one as well.  I missed celebrating his bday.  I do miss him so much.  Life is different.

The day after Christmas I picked up another friend and we went to our friend's visitation.  She was a very well loved person.  The place was full of people.  I saw her dad and he told me how much she loved Teresa.  My friend's mom died of cancer less than 2 years ago, her grandma died in August and her Aunt died this year as well.  It's been a rough year for my friend's father.  Lord, help him.

Well, I got through Christmas and I am looking forward to 2018.  Not sure what that year will bring.  But through the grace of God, I have been managing well and will manage with whatever else might come my way.    I am focusing on filling my bucket.  Since I became a mommy to Teresa, I have not been taking care of myself.  Now I feel I may have a few free moments to think about my bucket and how I would like to fill that.

So, to 2018 and filling my bucket!

Merry Christmas and Happy 2018!

Dealing with the death of a loved one

On September 25th my life changed forever.  My father passed away.  The Good Lord called him home.  I talked to my dad at 5:30pm and at 6:30pm my mom called me to tell me that my father had collapsed.  I drove quickly to their home (which is four blocks away), my dh called the paramedics and when I got to the driveway, she called again to tell me that he wasn't responding.  I parked my car and ran into their home.  I knew the moment I saw my father that he was gone.  It was a peaceful eeriness...if that makes sense.  I put my hand on him and told him that I was there and help was on the way.  I don't know why I tried to comfort him when I already sensed he was gone.

Paramedics came and they tried to resuscitate him but they couldn't.  I guess paramedics can't call a persons death so they had to take my father to the hsp and they called it there.

I was very close to my father and my mother.  They lived close by so I saw them often.  I brought my baby over to see them often as well. I enjoyed talking to him and seeing him.  He was someone I liked to be around.  He was often very happy and I often confided in my parents.  That has all changed.  

It's been a hard time.  My mom seems to be okay.  She's all alone now.  I try to visit her often.  She doesn't drive so I take her to the store or I run errands for her.  I don't mind helping her at all.  She did so much for me.  Before my father passed, he had been ill and spent time in a hsp and rehab.  He just couldn't recover.  I took him to dr appts and did what I could.  I didn't mind, he did so much for me.  Now I do the same for my mom.  My siblings live in other states (except for one).  They went home after the services and continued on with their lives.  My life changed.  I have only one sibling that calls to make sure I'm okay.  He's helping with some of the paperwork that needs to be straightened out now.

Well, I know it's been about six months since my last post.  My little 18 month old keeps me busy and when she naps, I try to rest and get some stuff done too.  She's doing well and she is the reason I keep moving everyday.  She loved her papa too!  They had a special relationship and I thank God I got some video of them interacting before he got sick and ultimately passed.  My dh has been super busy with work, teaching online classes and he's taking a class to finish an endorsement he needs.  He is a great father and I am blessed to have him in my life!  He's my rock.  I couldn't do any of this without his support.  God has blessed me with a great man to call my husband.

So now besides looking after my 18 month old, I am looking after my mother. I'm thankful that I am nearby and can do so rather easily. There's been a lot of paperwork type of things that we are now trying to sort out.  Some things are more complicated than others.  I just try to take life one day at a time now.

As a final thought, before my dad passed, I had seen him an hour prior. I asked him if he needed to go to the hsp.  I knew he wasn't feeling well that day.  He told me "No, I don't want to go back there and go through all of that again."  I left figuring he would go when he was ready.  I am sure he didn't realize his "time" was so soon.  I'm sure if he went to the hsp, he may have very well died there.  I'm thankful I didn't force the issue and he could die at home.  He went quickly with very little if any pain.  He's a peace now.  I know that.  Now I'm just trying to find my new normal.